I, me and myself: Egotist musings

I've always wanted to blog about myself forgetting that I might have an audience reading the entry. And here I am, doing just that. Hell, it's okay if it changes your perception of me, I'm not about to care. It's all part of my plan to get rid of my consciousness.

I, am a very jealous person. Just short of having emerald green eyes pierce when I set them upon you. But my jealousy isn't very materialistic. Id est, I don't care if you have a swanky cell phone, a gold-studded watch or a designer tee. What I do care about though, is if you have raw brainpower, organizational ability, a clear mind, focus and/or determination. Out of which, I really do care if you're high on the raw brainpower bit. I can envision myself greasing and oiling my cogs and getting at par to where you are with your focus, determination and whatnot. But what I can't envision myself doing, is getting more cogs themselves. Thus, with the notion that the number of cogs per head is a constant, in an effort to calculate my 'constant,' I end up making guinea pigs out of my acquaintances, benchmarking them in terms of their 'constant' and thereby building this great big hierarchy up in my head of 'constants'. Constants, constants and more constants.

I also am one hell of a perfectionist. Perfectionism is not always a good thing if it isn't backed up by perseverance. Yes, perfectionists who lack perseverance do exist. And those kinds, are the worst kinds. They procrastinate away at their work scared that they aren't going to be able to perfect it. And in doing so, they end up doing a shoddy job so that they can get it done before a deadline. I, most blatantly fall into this category of people. And I desperately want to change.

My perfectionism isn't all bad, though. I thoroughly love myself when I understand a concept, be it Physics, Computer Science or Human Psyche because understanding for me, is a big thing. It's a milestone that I reach only when I've got a close-to-perfect grasp of the concept in question. And the urge for that kind of grasp, is directly a result of my perfectionism. My design sense, also with which I'm pretty happy, is another consequence of my perfectionism. Perfectionism, perfectionism and more perfectionism.

Another one of my more ostensibly innocent traits, is in being diplomatic. It's part of my don't-piss-anybody-off nature. And while being useful, it's also made me a vile, two-faced scoundrel. Okay, maybe not a vile, dirty, two-faced scoundrel. More like a vile, dirty, low-down, multi-faced scoundrel. In an effort to be pro-everyone, I've more than once had to oscillate among views while sharing them with different people. A bunny-faced monster I'm stopping right in its tracks and getting rid of, this one. I'll still be a diplomat, though. Just not on issues I personally have views on.

Creepy, eh?

Well, that's how I work, sorry.